Develop a good conversational demeanor
Successful people aren’t necessarily smarter than others, but good habits make them more educated, knowledgeable, and competent; successful people aren’t necessarily more talented than others, but good habits make them well-trained, skillful, and prepared; successful people aren’t necessarily more determined or hard-working than those who aren’t successful, but good habits amplify their determination and effort and make them more efficient and organized.
Whether it’s a boxing match or a fencing match, it’s important to have an opponent who volunteers to spar with you. No boxer throws punches without a target, and no swordsman goes around waving his sword and stabbing everyone. The same is true of speech. Just because you are eloquent, you can’t go around challenging people, and you can’t use all conversations as a subject for argument.
Whether a person has the charm of conversation has a direct impact on whether he is attractive to the other party, related to whether he has good interpersonal relations. At the same time, it also affects whether he can show self-confidence in talking with others and whether he can have the courage to talk freely. Therefore, we should pay attention to enhance the charm of our own conversation when we train the self-confidence of our conversation. Mr. Experience Pocket Ragman
The contents that make up the charm of conversation are very broad. The content of each person’s conversation, the conversation of the choice of words and phrases and layout of the material, means, the tone of voice, tone of conversation, the conversation of the posture, gestures, expression …… can be refracted whether he has the charm of the conversation.
Let’s talk about the demeanor of the conversation.
The so-called poise refers to the beautiful demeanor, posture and expression. Conversation style is a person’s inner temperament of speech performance, is a person’s culture of externalization. Make their own conversation with manners, is to enhance the charm of the conversation an important way. Good conversation style, often has a great attraction. Whether it is the men’s conversation in the rigid and steady temperament, or women’s conversation in the charm of the charm of the style; whether it is the diplomats that the courteous talk, or politicians that the steady and robust speech, will be admired by people who have been, and love. As the German dramatist Lessing said: “Manner is a special form of reproduction of beauty.”
Confucius Yun: “WenQiBinQi, then gentleman.” Manner is the proper integration of external language and internal temperament. First of all, poise is a manifestation of character and upbringing. If a person does not have noble moral sentiments, no certain cultural cultivation, no elegant personality interest, its conversation is bound to be vulgar and mean, trivial and indecent. Secondly, poise is a performance of character traits. For example, the character of gentle tolerance, quiet and thoughtful people, often a few sentences of whispering can contain strong emotional components; and rough and bold, straight temperament, the conversation is open, straight to the point. Again, poise is a manifestation of cultivation. This is mainly manifested in the handling of interpersonal relations, not humble, graceful and generous. Finally, demeanor is a person to talk about the choice of words and phrases, tone of voice, gestures and expressions and so on the comprehensive performance. Such as the judge in the courtroom conversation, is sitting down, do not smile, bite the words, logic, meticulous.
Conversation style is diverse and colorful. Sprinkled, eloquent talk is demeanor, just a few words, timely and hair is demeanor; laughing, graceful is demeanor, gentle, containing but not exposed is also demeanor; answer questions, pondering again and again is demeanor, the topic of the fly, respond to the flow is also demeanor; softly slow, courteous is the demeanor, generous, valiant is also the demeanor. Everyone in the cultivation of their own conversation style, should be based on their own personality traits, interests and hobbies, thinking ability, knowledge structure and other choices. In addition, the same person, on different occasions, in different environments, the poise of their conversation is also different. For example, a teacher lecturing in the classroom and chatting with family members at home are two very different manners. Mr. Experience Pocket Ragman
Conversational poise is a natural human characteristic that is in tune with the times. We are opposed to pursuing poise out of context of the times, and we are also opposed to talking about poise out of context of one’s own personality and identity. Any talk that is knitting its brows, scratching its head, or having no personality has no poise to speak of.
In our daily conversations, judgments or lectures, we may come across this situation: when the same words are said by this person, we are very willing to accept them, whereas when they are said by another person, not only are we unwilling to accept them, but we will also have some feelings of resentment. Why do these two opposite results occur? This actually involves a person’s attitude of conversation, and the attitude of conversation is the most direct reflection of the talker’s demeanor.
The purpose of our conversation is to tell others what we mean, so that they understand, know, believe or sympathize with us. If we say something, others have little reaction, not convinced or resentment, it is meaningless, it is better not to say. So, how can we exercise an ideal eloquence of saying one thing at a time? This requires the talker to understand both themselves and each other, and strive to create an atmosphere of mutual understanding. Mr. Experience Pocket Rag
Perhaps, everyone understands that it doesn’t matter what the other person says, the most important thing is his attitude. If the attitude is good, everyone is willing to talk to him. Even if he does not agree with us or is not satisfied with our behavior, we are still willing to talk to him. If the attitude is not good, it means that even the best topic cannot proceed smoothly.
So what exactly is a good attitude? It is to have a correct understanding of people and full sympathy, both of which are the basic elements of a good attitude. However, how can we make the other person feel our understanding and sympathy for people? The important manifestation of a good attitude is embodied in this. If we don’t pay attention to this manifestation, then even if we are very sympathetic people, we may be perceived as cold, proud, and selfish. Therefore, we need to pay attention to what we really are in the minds of others, and try to understand what they want us to be like and what they like about us.
So, in general, i.e., in everyday life, in normal social situations with ordinary friends, what are the specific things that others would like us to be like?
First of all, others would like us to be friendly to him and would like us to be willing to be friends with him; others would like us to sympathize with his difficulties and to forgive his faults; others would also like us to care for them, to help them, to think about their problems and to give them useful advice, and to be friendly, loyal and warm-hearted friends with them.
Secondly, others want us to be interested in the person and in what he does and says. Consequently, it is better for us to be people who are interested in everything. Originally, our interests were like those of people in general, and we were often easily attracted to interesting people and conversations, while ignoring the less intriguing people or things. If we are sympathetic people, we should not be so, but should learn to be able to take account of the whole, and to take special care of those who are not noticed. When we talk, we must see everyone present, and our eyes, at all times, must rest for a moment on each face, paying special attention to those who have said little and to those who seem less at ease, trying to find something to talk to them about, in order to relieve them of their nervousness and uneasiness.
In short, others want us to be interested in whatever he has to say and want our attitude to be friendly and good. As a successful conversationalist, we strive to do so. Giving a good attitude when we talk is a guarantee of showing the charm of our conversation.
